Posted by Ranjit Lal |
Updated: December 20, 2020, 5:51:39 pm
The case is presented in a cinematic courtroom drama: My Goodself vs Shrimati Dengue; The problem of the argument was another sleepless night thanks to the undesirable company of Shrimati Dengue.
Public Prosecutor: Milord, the profession of my journalist and writer, depends on having a clear head every morning so that he can write coherently and not confuse his readers. This is not possible if the night is disturbed. My client had many such upset nights thanks to the accused dancing loudly like a dentist’s drill around his ear. It robs my client of a good night’s sleep and the ability to make a living.
Defender: Milord, my client, comes from a noble line of insects that has remained virtually unchanged for at least 79 million years. Her soprano piano beats create pure music, “the food of love”, while she gently lands as a ballerina.
Law enforcement: And then she inserts her diabolical injection into my client’s delicate, bulging earlobe and soaks up his precious elixir of life – almost three times her body weight in one session.
Defense: My lord, my client doesn’t even weigh 0.5 g, so the amount of blood sucked in is completely insignificant.
Law Enforcement: Milord, what the learned attorney forgot to mention is that at the time of blood sucking, his client can also inject deadly pathogens causing dengue, malaria, yellow fever, chikungunya, West Nile disease, etc. Throughout human history, its type has killed 52 billion people, mostly children and the elderly, and malaria is one of the leading causes of child death in India. It is extremely dangerous.
Defense: My lord, I think you can dismiss this case. My client is not Shrimati Dengue: Dengue mosquitoes only bite during the day.
Prosecutor: My Lord, what’s in a name? A fatal disease spreader is a disease spreader. We can call them Shrimati Machchar if you like.
Defense: Milord the learned attorney did not mention that the origins of these pathogens did not lie with my client and the great Khandaans of Aedes, Culex, and Anopheles. Members of these clans first ingested these pathogens from humans or animals and then accidentally passed them on to those whose blood they sucked. The mosquitoes that originally lived in the US were malaria free until European colonists arrived. Already afflicted by malaria, the mosquitoes on board the ships had infected them. They both passed the pathogen on to the innocent American mosquitoes that bitten them, and then passed it on to the Native American human population, 95 percent of whom died. The human species is to blame. Even so, mosquitos have been ruthlessly persecuted and fogged up by toxic chemicals against which they have been desperate to develop immunity. Mosquitoes are also critical to the health of planet earth: they provide food for millions of birds, insects, fish and animals. And they saved the rainforests from total annihilation by humanity! Without mosquitoes that infest every swamp, swamp, jungle and rainforest, people would have built shopping malls there and let global warming go through the roof! The mighty Amazon rainforests in Africa and the Western Ghats stand because they are guarded by the large mosquito clans!
Prosecution: This still doesn’t justify Shrimati Dengue sucking my client’s blood and whining in his ear every night! Isn’t it pure malice? Can’t she be vegan?
Shrimati Dengue: (In the voice of the Hindi film actress) Milord, I suck blood only for my innocent babies! Our men are vegan wimps who get drunk with kaddu (pumpkin juice)! We mothers need the iron our babies need to develop healthily.
Defense: And now the human species is trying to emasculate these wimps even more through genetic manipulation in order to render them sterile. We are talking about the extinction of whole species.
Law Enforcement: My Client’s Basic Right to a Sound Sleep is Violated! He hit his ear all night! You can see how red it is!
Shrimati Dengue: My lord, I couldn’t take a sip all night! I’ve danced with death! Every time I landed on that warm ruby luscious earlobe for my basic right to a blood drink for my babies, whap! a hand would fall off! I am still traumatized and hungry. This is attempted murder!
Prosecution: My lord, I rest my case! The defendant confessed that she was hovering over my client’s earlobe to suck his blood and disturb his sleep!
Judge: You wasted both this dish and my precious time. I’ll find the defendant … wait, where is she?
(A sudden movement – Shrimati Dengue disappears – is followed by a pistol-like noise: the judge rubs his cheek ruefully and scornfully flicks something small, red and dirty from his palm.)
Judge: Case rejected!
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